Full name? Ben Gary Davies-Smith
JUFC squad? TBC (You f*cking tell me!)
Nickname? Baldy, Bald C*nt, Fat C*nt, Fat Bald C*nt, Panhead plus many, many more!
Position on field? Born again centre half.
Best player you have played with? Michael Banks told me he’s the best player that I have ever played with (really it’s Brad Hassell though).
Best player you have played against? Charlie in training because he seems so determined to not let me beat him at anything!
Worst dancer at the club? Ryan Malley, gayest dancer I have ever seen!
Worst dressed at the club? Mike Kenny
Funniest bloke at the club? That old dog Rusty!
Grumpiest bloke at the club? Greeny
Tightest bloke at the club? Dave Mead, takes his own microwave popcorn to the cinema!
Loosest bloke at the club? Sir William Powley
Most under the thumb? Gary Asbridge
Angriest man at the club? Darren Thomson
Best position? Reverse Cowgirl, unlike Gaz Asbridge who prefers Reverse Cowboy????
Greatest JUFC moment on or off the pitch?
On the pitch would be our run in to win the first division or the double win last season but both are eclipsed by that magical day at Potatohead.
Biggest game you have played in? Sealing the first division league title on the last day of the season at Beldon and last year’s cup final.
Best ground you have played at? Charonia if we play up hill first half.
Ambitions for the future? To get in one of the kits that is not XXL.